How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
