Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
