Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
