I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
