Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
