I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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