a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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