the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
bring money and cleavage
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
