If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
