So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
