Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
