btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
