just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
