I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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