The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
