He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
