dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
