Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
