I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
