I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You need Xanax blowdarts
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
