"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
