you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
