I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
