Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She said her name was "party"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
