Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
