Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
