you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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