So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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