There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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