I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
