tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My boob is missing a layer of skin
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
