Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
