Got a toothbrush?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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