If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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