I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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