someone threw a dead crab at me
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
is it fun? or sober?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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