I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
