Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
