i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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