I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
