Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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