My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
