I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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