dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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