smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
