At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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