I'm really into asian looking animals
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
