Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
