Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
