Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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