stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
